The Book of Awesome Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  So what's this all about?

  The other side of the pillow

  When cashiers open up new checkout lanes at the grocery store

  Wearing underwear just out of the dryer

  Old, dangerous playground equipment

  Intergenerational dancing

  Strategic trick-or-treating

  Seeing a cop on the side of the road and realizing you're going the speed limit anyway

  Illegal naps

  When you get the milk-to-cereal ratio just right

  High-fiving babies

  When you're awkwardly standing by yourself with a full cafeteria tray of food ...

  Having a whole row to yourself on the plane

  Popping Bubble Wrap

  Being the first table to get called up for the dinner buffet at a wedding

  When someone lands on the hotel you just built in Monopoly

  Finding a mix tape given to you by an old boyfriend or girlfriend

  Picking the perfect nacho off someone else's plate

  The moment at a concert after the lights go out and before the band comes onstage

  Finding out your birthday is on a Friday or Saturday next year

  Fixing electronics by smacking them

  Hitting a bunch of green lights in a row

  When you push the button for the elevator and it's already there

  Bakery air

  Tripping and realizing no one saw you

  The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy

  Sleeping in new bedsheets

  Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you're out walking around

  Taking your bra off after wearing it for hours

  The sound of scissors cutting construction paper

  Waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you've got lots of sleep time left

  When the socks from the dryer all match up perfectly

  When there's still time left in the parking meter when you pull up

  The smell of crayons

  Peeling an orange in one shot

  Using all the different shampoos and soaps in someone else's shower

  When the vending machine gives you two things instead of one

  Licking the batter off the beaters of a cake mixer

  Being the first person into a really crowded movie theater and getting the ...

  Waiters and waitresses who bring free refills without asking

  The final seconds of untangling a really big knot

  The Five Second Rule

  When the thing you were going to buy is already on sale

  Peeling that thin plastic film off new electronics

  Finding your keys after looking forever

  Eating the extra fries at the bottom of the bag

  The feeling of scrunching sand in your feet

  Scraping all the lint off an overflowing lint trap

  The thank-you wave when you let somebody merge in front of you

  When you're really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket ...

  Getting your ID checked when you're way over the legal age

  The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk

  That friendly nod between strangers out doing the same thing

  Really, really old Tupperware

  Getting gas just before the price goes up

  The pushoff

  Wearing sandals when you shouldn't be wearing sandals

  Getting off an airplane after a long flight

  Picking up a q and u at the same time in Scrabble

  Old folks who sit on their porch and wave at you when you walk by

  The first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter

  Hearing a stranger fart in public

  Perfectly toasted toast

  When someone unjams the photocopier for you

  Reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway

  When you're watching one of your favorite movies and you realize you don't ...

  The smell of the coffee aisle in the grocery store

  That pile of assorted beers left in your fridge after a party

  Staring out at calm water

  Blowing out all the candles on your first try

  Sneaking McDonald's and hiding the evidence

  Your family car growing up

  Eating a free sample of something you have no intention of buying

  Sneaking under someone else's umbrella

  Finally remembering a word that's been on the tip of your tongue for so long

  When someone offers to toss your dirty clothes in with their load of laundry

  The moment at a restaurant after you see your food coming from the kitchen but ...

  Terrible businesses run by children

  Frozen walls of air conditioning hitting you on hot days

  Catching somebody singing in their car and sharing a laugh with them

  Snow stepping

  Taking off your shoes on a long car ride

  Getting the eyelash out of your eye

  Finally figuring out how your hotel shower faucet works

  Talking about how much the meal you're eating at home would cost in a restaurant

  When you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio

  Saying the same thing a sports commentator says just before they say it

  Orange slices at halftime

  Putting potato chips on a sandwich

  When you didn't play the lottery and your numbers didn't come up

  The smell of frying onions and garlic

  Nailing a parallel parking attempt on the first try

  The Perfect Chicken Wing Partner

  Discovering those little tabs on the side of the aluminum foil box

  Your favorite old, comfy T-shirt

  The smell of freshly cut grass

  A long hug when you really need it

  A good floss after a tough steak

  Dangling your feet in water

  Salt

  When you know all the buttons to speed through the automated telephone system

  Laughing so hard you make no sound at all

  When you nudge the person snoring next to you and it makes them stop

  The sound of ice cubes cracking in a drink

  Solving the Wheel of Fortune puzzle before the people on the show

  When the guy at the border doesn't ask any questions

  Really, really selling it while barbecuing

  Locking people out of the car and pretending to drive away

  The sound of rain from inside the tent

  When you arrive at the bus stop just as the bus is coming around the corner

  That last crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips

  Bowling celebrations

  Slicing open a taped-up box with a set of keys or a pen

  Sitting next to someone good-looking on a plane

  When you manage to squeeze out enough toothpaste for one last brush

  Using Q-tips the way you're not supposed to use them

  Watching The Price Is Right when you're at home sick

  That one square in the waffle that's the most loaded with butter and syrup

  Rain hair

  Neighbors with pools

  When you actually remember the name of someone you met earlier at the party

  Somebody flashing their high beams at you to warn you about the cops

  The Man Couch

  The shampoo head massage you sometimes get at the hairdresser

  Finding the TV remote after looking forever

  Adrenaline

  Getting a trucker to blow his horn

  When there's leftover cake in the office kitchen

 
Hanging your hand out the car window

  Getting served breakfast in bed

  Finally clipping your fingernails after you've been meaning to do it all week

  Coming home after a long day to the smell of someone cooking dinner

  Big crowds enjoying big fireworks

  Sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out

  Building a stack of pancakes that looks just like the front of the box

  When your sneeze stalls for a second and then suddenly comes booming out

  Wordless apologies

  The smell and sound of a campfire

  When your suitcase tumbles down the luggage chute first after a long flight

  Peeling off your wet bathing suit and putting on warm clothes after swimming ...

  Bedhead all day long

  Successfully moving all your clothes from the washer to the dryer without ...

  Backseat car windows that go down all the way

  Getting grass stains

  When you know your TV remote so well you don't need to look at the buttons

  When you hear someone's smile over the phone

  Returning to your warm and comfy bed after getting up to pee in the middle of ...

  Moving up a shoe size when you're a kid

  Perfectly popped microwave popcorn

  That one really good pen that never gets lost

  When you're driving late at night on an empty gas tank and a gas station ...

  Remembering what movie that guy is from

  Using Rock-Paper-Scissors to settle anything

  Pushing those little buttons on the soft drink cup lid

  Your colon

  The day you first realize you can drive

  Crap job shoes

  Celebrating your pet's birthday even though they have no idea what's going on

  Waking up and realizing it's Saturday

  High tens

  Seeing somebody laugh in their sleep

  When there's ice cream left at the bottom of the cone

  Sweatpants

  Multitasking while brushing your teeth

  The Parking Lot Pull Through

  The three-paycheck month

  The smell of books

  Getting in a line before it gets really long

  Getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving your legs

  The Gas Arrow

  Snow falling on Christmas Eve

  Playing with a baby and not having to change its diaper

  Squeezing a little more juice out of dying batteries

  Falling asleep in the backseat of a car late at night on the drive home

  Ordering off the menu a t fast food restaurants

  Paying for something with exact change

  The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time

  The smell of gasoline

  Your pillow

  Getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail

  Building an amazing couch-cushion fort

  Gym pain

  Squeezing through a door as it' s shutting without touching it

  Snow days

  The first time you fly alone

  When you spill something on your shirt and it doesn' t leave a stain

  Finding the last item of your size at the store

  When the boss goes out of town

  Getting out of the car and stretching at the highway rest stop

  Planning for snoozes

  New Socks Day

  Watching your odometer click over a major milestone

  Mastering the art of the all-you-can-eat buffet

  Finding money in your old coat pocket

  The Laugh Echo

  Crying

  Driving through your old neighborhood and stopping to see the house you grew up in

  The last day of school

  When you're right near the end of the book

  Smiling and thinking of good friends who are gone

  Remembering how lucky we are to be here right now

  Acknowledgements

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  AMY EINHORN BOOKS

  Published by G. P. Putnam's Sons

  a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  New York

  AMY EINHORN BOOKS

  Published by G. P. Putnam's Sons

  Publishers Since 1838

  Published by the Penguin Group

  Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA * Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England * Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen's Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi-110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

  Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  Copyright (c) 2010 by Neil Pasricha

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed

  or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of

  copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  Published simultaneously in Canada

  "Amy Einhorn Books" and the "ae" logo are registered trademarks belonging to

  Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Pasricha, Neil.

  The book of awesome : snow days, bakery air, finding money in your pocket, and other simple, brilliant things / Neil Pasricha. p. cm. "Amy Einhorn Books."

  eISBN : 978-1-101-18691-6

  1. Conduct of life--Humor. I. Title.

  PN6231.C6142P'.607--dc22

  All photographs by Sam Javanrouh (dailydoseofimagery.com) with exception of "Wordless Apologies" by Evan Long, "Smiling and Thinking of Good Friends Who Are Gone" by Dina Kim, and "When the Vending Machine Gives You Two Things Instead of One" and "The Perfect Chicken Wing Partner" by iStockphoto.

  While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  Completely swallowing and devouring up every tiny last word of the entire book, including all the copyright, printing, and Library of Congress information that nobody usually reads. AWESOME!

  http://us.penguingroup.com

  So what's this all about?

  Polar ice caps are melting, hurricanes swirl in the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the job market is in a deep freeze.

  Whoa.

  It's getting pretty ugly out there.

  That's why one chilly spring night I started a tiny website called 1000 Awesome Things. For a boring guy with a nine-to-five job, it became a getaway from my everyday.

  I never imagined that writing about finding money in your old coat pocket, the smell of gasoline, or watching The Price Is Right when you're at home sick would amount to anything.

  Honestly, when I started the site I got excited when my mom forwarded it to my dad and the traffic doubled. Then I got excited when friends sent it to friends and strangers started sending me suggestions: "When cashiers open up new checkout lanes at the grocery store," "The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk," "Waking up and realizing it's Saturday."

  It seems like maybe these tiny little moments make an awesome difference in
many of our rushed, jam-packed lives. Maybe we all love snow days, peeling an orange in one shot, and Popping Bubble Wrap.

  Maybe we're basically all the same.

  Over the past year the website grew into a warm place where people around the world came to curl up under a blanket and think about the small joys we often overlook. With so much sad news and bad news pouring down upon us, it's fun to stop for a minute and share a universal high five with the rest of humanity.

  What started on a whim has changed me for the better too. Now when I get the thank-you wave while merging, hear the crack of ice cubes in my drink, or move clothes from the washer to the dryer without dropping anything, I just smile and enjoy the moment.

  So . . . that's the story so far. That's how we got from there to here. And now it's time to come on in. The fire's crackling and there's a seat on the couch here. Cuddle up and let's all get into it.

  Let's all get onto it.

  And let's all get a little bit

  AWESOME!

  The other side of the pillow

  Have you ever found yourself lying in bed wide awake in the middle of the night?

  You know how it is: Clock's clicking past 1:30 a.m. and you lie there with your eyes bugged open, chewing your upper lip, tapping the sheets with your fingers, completely frustrated. Your pupils have long adjusted to the dark, so your eyes are darting around the room over and over, trying to identify dark shapes or watching the moonlight shadow-dance around the walls. Maybe your thoughts won't settle down, you just can't get comfortable, you ate spicy food before bed, you have a presentation the next morning, or maybe it's just the frustration itself keeping you in a terrible, never-ending cycle of sleeplessness.

  So you play dead and try to remain motionless as long as possible. You change positions back and forth, side to side, left to right. You get up and go to the bathroom or start reading a book. Maybe you try to remake the bed, since by now you've probably managed to twist your sheets and blankets into a completely unusable, tightly wound knotpile barely covering your legs.

  On nights like this, when you just can't sleep, one of the greatest things invented is simply Turning Over the Pillow.

  Yes, flipping over your pillow and checking out the other side cranks Bed Comfort up a few notches and is a simple and easy way to help you relax and get comfy.

  The other side of the pillow, folks. Because it's flat when you're sagging, fresh when you're stale, and cold when you're hot, baby.