The Book of (Even More) Awesome Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  So what’s this all about?

  Coming back to your own bed after a long trip

  Sneaking cheaper candy into the movie theater

  Stomping dry crunchy leaves on the sidewalk

  Finally getting that tiny piece of popcorn out of your teeth

  Peeling that sticky glue off the back of your new credit card

  The Kids Table

  When batteries are included

  When it feels like the lyrics to the song you’re listening to were written just ...

  Correctly guessing if the door is push or pull

  When a cop finally passes you after driving behind you for a while

  When you learn a new word and then suddenly start seeing it everywhere

  When the dog’s really excited you’re back home

  Dancing when you’re home alone

  Getting tucked in

  The sound of a solid crack from a good break in billiards

  When a baby falls asleep on you

  Giant morning stretches accompanied by stupid noises

  Glue movies

  Watching cream go into coffee

  When the hiccups stop

  Finding something you lost a long time ago after you already gave up looking ...

  Riding home with a box of pizza on your lap

  Picking the fastest – moving line at the grocery store checkout

  Getting a hug from someone you didn’t know you were in a hug relationship with

  That one person who laughs when you tell a really bad joke

  Letting go of the gas pump perfectly so you end on a round number

  Finding a parking spot right at the front of the mall just before Christmas

  Getting through right away when you call a big company

  Eating the last piece of anything

  Slowing down

  Taking your high heels off at the end of the night and walking home in bare feet

  When you suddenly remember it’s a long weekend

  When two cookies melt together in the oven

  Elementary school science fairs

  The moment after you wake up from a nightmare and suddenly realize it was all ...

  Pain

  The smell of an old hardware store

  Putting on your most flattering pair of pants

  That guy who helps you parallel park

  Peeling your socks off under the sheets

  Napping with somebody else

  Getting a stuck ball out of somewhere by using another ball

  Seeing a license plate from home when you’re somewhere really far away

  The moment on vacation when you forget what day of the week it is

  Hanging out with your mom

  When the person you’re meeting is even later than you are

  Riding your bike really late at night when the streets are completely empty

  Dropping your cell phone on the sidewalk and then realizing it’s totally fine

  When a big chunk of earwax randomly falls out of your ear

  Finally realizing where you know someone from after staring at them forever

  When the houseguest leaves

  Placing the last piece of the puzzle

  When you know someone well enough to go in their fridge without asking

  When you finish your milkshake and then remember there’s more in that stainless ...

  Emptying the recycling bin on your computer

  Waking up to the smell of sizzling bacon

  Jumping as many stairs as possible

  Screaming at characters in movies to do things

  When your friends working in fast-food restaurants give you a little extra

  Wearing what you just bought out of the store

  Finally peeing after holding it forever

  The night before a really big day

  Finding the perfect patch of grass to sit on at the park

  When you hit the point where you’re comfortable farting around each other

  Walking into class and seeing a substitute teacher

  Fully justifying whatever terrible thing you’re eating

  When you get the scissors at that perfect angle where it slices through ...

  Becoming a regular somewhere

  When a friend starts randomly giving you a massage

  Walking around naked when you’re home alone

  Anything on tap

  When you sneeze and a stranger says bless you

  Rubbing someone’s newly shaved head

  Looking at how much dirt came off something you just cleaned

  Changing the channel during a commercial break and then flipping back just as ...

  When you meet up with a group of friends and they stop talking to celebrate ...

  Typing in your username and password at the speed of light

  Finding hidden compartments in things you already own

  Getting your guests to help you move something really heavy

  When the plane suddenly speeds up on the runway

  The sound of barely frozen puddles cracking when you step on them

  When someone compliments your new haircut

  Using any item within reach to help grab the remote control so you don’t have ...

  The first couple hours of the road trip

  When the phone rings and it’s somebody you were just thinking about

  Moving indoor furniture outdoors

  When your fries order has a few onion rings stashed in the mix

  The Big Night Nap

  Hilarious last-minute Halloween costumes

  When company events are scheduled on company time

  Good escalator etiquette

  Kicking those clumps of frozen slush off the back of your car’s mud flaps

  Your Almost Name

  Getting the keys to your first apartment

  The sound of airplane toilet flushes

  Actually pointing out a constellation in outer space

  Whipping down the hill really fast on your bike after pedaling hard all the way up

  Watching a movie in the basement with a group of friends

  Your tongue

  When your friend makes sure you get into the house safe after dropping you off ...

  Accidentally doing something really good in sports

  Tuning the radio station perfectly so there’s absolutely no static

  Waking up really thirsty in the morning and finding a glass of water within reach

  The sound of steaks hitting a hot grill

  Eating the crusts of the sandwich first to save the middle part for last

  Sneezing three or more times in a row

  The smell of Play – Doh

  Junk drawers

  Hot cream and a straight razor on your neck at the barbershop

  Stumbling on an elusive rerun of your favorite TV show

  When you open a book to the exact page you were looking for

  Catching food in your mouth

  Making it halfway

  Realizing you still remember your childhood friend’s phone number

  Laughing so hard you start crying

  Wearing your favorite pair of underwear and nobody knows

  Any food that requires Wet-Naps and a stack of napkins to eat

  When your windshield wipers match the beat of the song you’re listening to

  Sitting on your freshly made bed and admiring your work after cleaning your room

  Eating cookies like Cookie Monster

  When a work friend becomes an outside-of-work friend

  Running to the door when your mom or dad comes home from workr />
  Wearing a sweatshirt that hasn’t been washed yet

  Experiencing déjà vu

  Tossing garbage in the trash can from far away

  Experiencing déjà vu

  Taking your ponytail out

  Learning a new keyboard shortcut

  Figuring out a tricky plot twist just before they reveal it

  Getting shotgun on a long car ride

  That smooth feeling on your teeth after you get your braces off

  That one email account you use for all your spam

  Drawing on steamy mirrors with your fingers

  Eating anything from your own garden

  Seeing shapes in the clouds

  Long, comfortable silences between really close friends

  Going on a field trip in elementary school

  The moment on a roller coaster when you get to the top of the big hill and ...

  When that social event you didn’t want to go to gets canceled

  Rocking out on air instruments

  Doing anything that makes you feel like a caveman

  That teacher

  When somebody holds the elevator door for you

  Setting the new high score on a video game

  Taking a spin on a shopping cart

  Slurping hot soup on a cold night

  Turning off all the lights during a thunderstorm

  The Perfect Egg Crack

  Curling up into the fetal position

  Old, classic board games

  When the bubbles in your drink go right to the top but not over

  When your ears pop back to normal after swimming

  That old Take a Penny, Leave a Penny bowl on the store counter

  When someone saves you a seat

  The sound of water lapping against a dock

  When the delivery food you ordered somehow arrives really early

  Acrobatic snoozing

  Eating foods you loved as a kid

  Calling a mulligan on the day

  Finally getting the perfect picture

  Fat baseball players

  Watching something download really fast

  A really cold drink on a really hot day

  Seeing old people holding hands

  Seeing a really happy dog out for a walk

  Eating the ice cream stuck to the lid of the carton

  Getting the armrest at the movie theater

  Glass

  When you actually manage to split the group restaurant bill to everyone’s satisfaction

  A perfect squeegee job at the gas station

  Fitting every last thing in the dishwasher

  When the guy at the deli counter gives you a free taste

  When you went to the gym yesterday

  Riding on someone’s shoulders when you were a kid

  That clicking sound of winding anything up

  Picking up something that turns out to be a lot lighter than you expected

  The last couple hours before the weekend

  Correctly guessing the actor voicing the animated movie character

  Dropping a glass and then sticking your foot out so it hits your foot and ...

  Running for the bus or train and actually catching it

  When you drive from a rough road onto a smooth one

  Reuniting a sock from the Sock Orphanage Drawer with its freshly washed ...

  When your roommate goes away for the weekend

  When your laptop or cell phone is just about to die but you manage to run and ...

  Puppy breath

  Carrying all the grocery bags in from the car in one giant trip

  When you fold a piece of paper so it fits in the envelope perfectly

  When you’re washing the car and it’s hose time

  When a stranger walks by and offers to take a picture of you and the person ...

  Vacuuming a dirty carpet and hearing all those tiny rocks go through the hose

  Walking or riding your bike faster than cars sitting in traffic

  The extra time you get when the clocks roll back

  When someone holds your keys and wallet in their purse

  That feeling in your stomach when you go really high on the swings

  Flavor pockets

  The sound of snow crunching under your boots

  Taking a break from shaving

  Getting the last piece of sleep out of your eye

  Picking things up with your feet

  Interspecies action – figure wars

  When you go out for lunch and come back to a way better parking spot

  When the free bread they bring you at the restaurant is warm

  Taking off your glasses or contact lenses after a long day

  The moment at a concert when the crowd figures out what song they’re playing

  That one car that randomly travels with you on the highway for a really long time

  An inbox of personal emails when you wake up in the morning

  Passing under a bridge on the highway when it’s pouring rain

  Finding treasures in your spring jacket pocket

  Pulling a weed and getting all the roots with it

  Driving over a small hill in your car

  The moment of anticipation before the first kiss

  Staying up past your bedtime when you were a kid

  Those rare moments when you’re the only person on the beach

  When your roommate cleans the place while you’re away

  That moment in a shower when you decide to make it a really long shower

  Looking at the clock and seeing that it’s 12:34

  Tips

  Driving around with the windows down on late summer nights

  Do Nothing Days

  A good turnout on your birthday

  The Airport Pickup

  When your pet notices you’re in a bad mood and comes to see you

  Appreciating the beauty of all your body’s scars and scratches

  Getting to the light at the end of the tunnel

  Acknowledgements

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  My Awesome Things

  WHAT’S YOUR AWESOME THING?

  Praise for Neil Pasricha and The Book of Awesome

  “Toe-curling, hug-inducing, blanket-snuggling AWESOME.”

  —Youngme Moon, author of Different, professor of business administration and associate dean, Harvard Business School

  “Pasricha emerges a committed but inviting optimist, combating life’s unending stream of bad news by identifying opportunities to share a universal high-five with humanity.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Celebrates and honors the little joys of life!”

  —USA Today

  “It’s nice to remind yourself of life’s sweeter side and the pleasures to be had from the small things—like peeling the thin plastic film off new electronic gadgets or sneaking your own cheap snacks into the cinemas. Life really is awesome after all.”

  —The Guardian

  “Laugh out loud. You feel like you’ve thought of these things a thousand times but just haven’t stopped to write them down.”—BBC South America

  “Reading your blog always brings a smile to my face & I feel like I am talking to you.”

  —E-mail from the author’s mother

  “Laugh out loud funny tinged with just enough sarcastic nostalgia.”

  —Wired magazine

  AMY EINHORN BOOKS

  Published by G. P. Putnam’s Sons a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  New York

  AMY EINHORN BOOKS

  Published by G. P. Putnam’s Sons

  Publishers Since 1838

  Published by the Penguin Group

  Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) · Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England · Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dubli
n 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) · Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) · Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi – 110 017, India · Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) · Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

  Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  Copyright © 2011 by Neil Pasricha

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. Published simultaneously in Canada

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Pasricha, Neil.

  The book of (even more) awesome / Neil Pasricha. p. cm.

  Summary: “The second book of awesome things by internationally best-selling author Neil Pasricha”—provided by publisher.

  eISBN : 978-1-101-51422-1

  1. Conduct of life—Humor. I. Title.

  PN6231.C6142P

  808’.607—dc22

  All photos by Sam Javanrouh (dailydoseofimagery.com) with the exception of “Napping with somebody else” by Jenny Rigby, “Waking up to the smell of sizzling bacon” by Rich Gidvilas, “Realizing you still remember your childhood friend’s phone number” by Meghan Hughes, “Finally getting the perfect picture” by Natalie Mazzarelli, “That feeling in your stomach when you go really high on the swings” by Jeremy Marr, and “The sound of snow crunching under your boots” by Connie Tsang. Thanks to all of them for their beautiful images.

  While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  Hoping and thinking and dreaming and playing and being and living and loving.